I loved the first 2 Creepshows, and it took 20 years to get a 3rd one, which never made sense to me. What the fuck was the hold-up guys? Get your shit together, agree to terms, and make a fucking movie. I have heard nothing but bad things about this one. I hope I enjoy it.
The fuck is this animation? We see somebody kill a dog, put it in a wagon and sell hot dogs. OK.
Alice
Oh god, Alice is walking home from school I speculate talking on her cell. She hates her suburban neighborhood. She gets home, and her dad talks about some universal remote that he bought. Her brother says that Alice isn’t eating because she is on a diet. Grandma says that Alice has no ass and ass is more important than tits. Tits are for amateurs. Brother says that he’s an amateur. Classic. The dad messes with the remote, her phone conversation ends and everybody is missing. Is this Click? A ball bounces her way and she throws it. She comes back in and she now has a black family, and it is the same conversation that she just had with her family. Dad hits another button for subtitles, and now she has a Spanish family. Same conversation.
Another button press and her left hand and right leg and side of her face is deformed. She sees Professor Dayton outside. She gets hit in the head with the ball. She calls 911 and they can’t hear her. She is in the professor’s house and starts eating his food, and there’s like a wedding reception layout of food, and the cute postman stops by, but she has a mouthful of cake. He leaves. A door opens in the house, and now she is back in normal world. Dad pushes a button and this causes Alice to be totally deformed and grotesque. The family screams. Professor asks her about the detective’s gadget. She says that she wants to be normal, and he says that she is, this is how she is. Dad has a gun. Prof pushes a button, and Alice is now a rabbit. Sigh.
The Radio
AJ Bowen from You’re Next is in this one, as is a pimp named Leon. Jerry (AJ) is our main dude, and some hot prostitute named Eva just said hi to him. Some angry homeless man sells Jerry a radio. He has a drink and the antenna breaks. He has the thing duct-taped all to hell. He goes to throw it and he hears someone say “don’t”. He flicks it, and the radio says “stop that”. He has his gun out. He takes a shower, and the radio talks to him about how he likes the song. So now he is having conversations with the radio. He takes the radio with him, and the radio hates Leon. Eva is mildly attractive. Love that pink and black ensemble. Bootay.
The radio just bosses him around. She guides him up to this apartment that may have been abandoned, and he finds a box of money. He bumps into a dude on his way back up to his place, so radio tells him to kill the dude. There’s 300 grand in money. She says that somebody is trying to break in, to not shoot him, he punches the boy and sends him down some stairs. His name is Ronald, and his woman’s name is Sherry the hooker. OH, and he has taped Sherry up with duct tape. Detective Jacobs stops by for questioning. Jacobs felt something sticky on his chair, tape residue. Jacobs comes back, and he asks about Leon. Jacobs notices that the door looks like somebody tried breaking in.
Radio says that she feels good with everything. Jerry is gonna move. Sherry wants to come with Jerry, and Jerry agrees. Radio says that she will kill him. We also find out that Leon has lost a lot of his money. Radio insists that Jerry kill her while in the middle of nowhere. He takes radio out, smashes it, and Sherry comes back, shoots Jerry in the back. Sherry walks back to the car and is shot in the head. Leon got her bitch ass. Radio also talks to Leon, and he will do whatever the fuck he’s gotta do.
Call Girl
We hear some sexy moaning. Then some hooker called Rachel wipes the blood off an object like an ice pick. Leon is in this too. This young guy, Victor, calls up Rachel for some company. She kills a religious homeless woman on the way to her car. This girl has a bunch of nice knives, and there is a call girl killer on the loose, that has like 10 male victims. She gets to Victor’s.
Victor wants to just get down to it as he is short on cash. We see 3 dead bodies in the living room as he ushers her upstairs to his room, and gives her a thousand. He wants her to blindfold him, tie him to the bed, and ride him. He has good taste I would say. She grabs her knife, rubs him with it. She stabs him in the chest 7 times. This is R Rated and serious, no tits. She takes a shower, and then covers up. Of course. Don’t give fans what they want as Creepshow 2 did.
Rachel starts hearing voices asking her why she did that. She uncovers his face and he’s some monster that just bit her. He walks out looking normal.
The Professor’s Wife
Dayton is the professor. He’s been working on some project for 20 years, and some lady shows up and congratulates him upon receiving a wedding invitation. We see 2 guys from the last one who see Rachel get out of her car. Everything kinda ties into one another. Professor, of course, has his rabbit named Alice. These guys are former students. The guy’s names are John and Charles. They mention something about the old rumor that he was like Dr. Frankenstein. We get to meet his bride to be, Kathy. She is cute, very sweet and bubbly. She needs Prof’s help with something. They say that she isn’t old enough to be his granddaughter. They remember that he used to talk about robotics and creating the perfect woman. The guys are happy for Dayton either way.
They ask her how they met, and she doesn’t remember. She has some kind of slight accent. They offer her a drink, but she says that Dayton doesn’t like it when she drinks. She keeps going to the kitchen to get more food. Did she kill Dayton and is cooking him? This seems too obvious for her to be a robot. We see flashbacks of the Dayton pranking these boys, and he was pretty funny. These guys think that Dayton is pranking them, so they want to find her “off” switch. Really? So they knock her out and start drilling into her. Are these guys robots? They have killed her and having a great laugh. They are so impressed with her brain and innards. She is from Moscow. She has some amnesia. We are learning stuff from this scrapbook. Suddenly it’s real, she’s a mail-order bride. Just then, Dayton returns. The boys are trying to hide the body in the fridge. The boys clean up. The timer goes off and Dayton finds her head in the oven.
Haunted Dog
This obnoxious guy is out in the town, drops a new hot dog and gives it to a beggar on the street. The homeless guy chokes on the hot dog and this guy just walks away. This dude works at some free clinic. I think he is Dr. Farwell. His nurse is easy on the eyes. Mrs. Lexington and she has glaucoma and is past the point of surgery fixing her vision. He recommends a seeing-eye dog. He tells her that if there are any movies that she wishes to see, now is the time. Farwell is a doctor who just gives awful advice and help. He’s pretty funny actually. This is a ridiculously long montage, not that I mind as he’s funny. Nurse tells him to be back tomorrow, on time. He leaves, gets in his car and sees the dead homeless guy and he is gone. He walks past the guy who sold the radio. Dayton comes up looking for an advanced voodoo kit. Apparently the radios that he gave the guy was a success. This guy gives pills to Victor for a great party with lots of women. Victor sees a business card on the ground for Rachel. I actually love how everything ties together.
Farwell sees the ghost of the homeless guy again regurgitating a hot dog. Victor says to let the real party begin, and some had jagged teeth, others looked like vampires. Stephen brought in his daughter Dusty, and her last name is Rhodes. Yes, her name is Dusty Rhodes. Oh man, she has a brain tumor, inoperable, and he says it so cold-heartedly. He tells Stephen to find a senior prom to go to it. Nurse is livid, Stephen is livid, Dusty is crying. Farwell goes to another party with a bunch of pills. He tells the new security guard about the homeless guy stalking him. Farwell makes the ugliest sandwiches; like doesn’t spread the mustard. The ghost appears and Farwell stabs him. The ghost reaches in his would and pulls out the hot dog. He drives away and gets back in the city, and the hot dog guy is still stalking him. The ghost says thank you. Farwell just dies on the spot.
We are now at Dayton’s wedding and Kathy is all wrapped up and when she tosses the bouquet, he hand comes with it. He has Alice in the backseat. Alice’s mom is still convinced that she has a daughter named Alice and the family is concerned. The wedding car drives past the hot dog vendor, and he is the Creeper.
End film
I have to admit, after sleeping and thinking about this, it really wasn’t all that bad. The first story was weak, and the wedding story could have been so much better, but I liked the others. I know that it is very much-loathed, but I don’t get the hate. It is not what we are used to, from 20 fucking years ago, things have changed. If this didn’t have the Creepshow name, I bet most people would rate this way higher. Just my honest opinion. Lack of nudity hurt this a bit, but not much. You have 2 stories with hookers, and a doctor one, utilize that, Guys.
Final rating: 6.5 I will re-watch this just to spot all the times that there was a character crossover.
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- Taurus Entertainment Company
- Creepy Film Productions (in association with)
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