This week Tempest has her own episode of TNT’s hit show Claws, in which she gossips and plays Screw Marry Kill. Oh yeah, they have 8 of the 9 cubes, so maybe, just maybe, they finally get the final cube this week. Also, if decapitated heads spouting off nursery rhymes is your jam, then you should feel at home this week. As always, Eric wrote the story, and my name is Kent, and I write all the nonsense that bookends the blog, and provides meaningless YouTube links. We make an adequate team.
I fear that I am running out of time to have many Cube references, so I will give you one now and one later.
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Tomb of Annihilation
Chapter 20 – Never Negotiate with Red Wizards
Continuing through the temple the party came across all sorts of wondrous sights, including a beautiful cavern with water streaming through, a fountain of blood, and a group of gossipy Yan-ti females getting their nails done. Tempest, whose nails were pretty bad due to having spent the past month in the jungle punching things, joined in on the manicure and the conversation.
Before the Yan-tis would accept Tempest as one of the girls, they insisted that she play Screw/Marry/Kill with them, using the male party members as the men of choice. Overall, Tempest and the gossipy Yan-tis decided to screw either Hertz or Xilix, marry Compassion, and kill Padre.
Having successfully integrated herself with the mean girls, Tempest learned that up ahead the Yan-ti leader, Rastne, was chilling in the main temple chamber, while his most trusted men were guarding him outside. With this knowledge in hand, the party was easily able to ambush and defeat the guards.
Upon entering Rastne’s chambers, they found him sitting atop a mountain of pillows. Next to pillow mountain was an eight-headed hydra who was obviously there to protect Rastne from the party. Not wanting to fight a multi-headed snake monster, and not knowing the extent of Rastne’s powers, the party decided to parlay.
With his acute observational powers, Hertz immediately noticed that Rasne appeared to be falling apart at the seams, indicating that the Yan-ti leader was under the effects of the death curse. During their intense negotiating session, the party noted that they had eight of the nine puzzle cubes and were at full strength, while Rasne had one puzzle cube, was falling apart because of the death curse, and the majority of his followers were dead (because of the party). Taking all of this into consideration, Rasne relented and gave the party the last puzzle cube.
Pressing their luck, the party inquired as to whether Rasne knew how to place the puzzle cubes at the entrance to the Tomb of the Nine Gods since there were only eight puzzle cube holes. Rasne informed the party that the main entrance to the tomb was actually a trap, and that there was a hidden entrance near the main entrance. They thanked Rasne for his time and then left the underground temple.
Upon reaching the entrance to the Tomb of the Nine Gods, the party was met by the Red Wizardess they had rescued from the Yan-ti temple. Rather than thank the party, she immediately demanded the party had over their puzzle cubes. When the party offered to work together to destroy the Soulmonger, the Red Wizard leader revealed that she had no intention of destroying the magical artifact, but rather she planned to use the power for herself.
Assuming that the wizardess did not know about the hidden entrance, the party happily gave her the cubes expecting her to set off the trap and get herself killed. Unfortunately, the party soon learned that the wizardess did know about the hidden entrance. Not only that, but she had used an Illusionary Terrain spell to mask the presence of the many remaining followers hiding in the hidden entrance. Pointing at the party, the wizardess ordered, “kill the-“, at which point the majority of the followers were set on fire and struck with lightning.
With two-thirds of her followers either burned to ash or left as a scorch mark on the ground, the wizardess teleported to the top of a nearby cliff and began lobbing spells at the party as the remaining followers engaged them in battle.
Knowing they would not last long under the spell-caster’s assault, Xilix used his Arcane Gate scroll to create two portals between them and the Red Wizardess on top of the cliff. Running through the portal on the ground, Compassion emerged through the portal on the cliff and proceeded to shoulder tackle the wizardess off the cliff, which also sent him flying over the edge.
Despite being in a 600 foot freefall with the enemy spell caster, Compassion was confident that Tempest would cast Levitate at the last moment, saving his life as the Red Wizardess became a red stain on the ground. Unfortunately, the wizardess had the ability to use a time-stopping spell, which gave her the ability to land safely on the ground without taking any damage. With time still frozen, she put Tempest to sleep before she could finish her levitate spell.
As time unfroze Compassion, mere seconds from the ground, suddenly saw that the wizardess had disappeared and Tempest was unconscious on the ground. Realizing he was about to die, he began screaming for Ducky to save him. Seeing Compassion’s predicament, ducky threw the camp packs on the ground and created a landing zone made up of the party’s pillows and bedrolls. When Compassion hit the ground, it was as if he was landing on a fluffy cloud.
With the wizardess grounded and Compassion safe, the party charged at the spell-casting enemy and proceeded to beat, stab, and spell her to death.
With the threat eliminated, the party entered the hidden entrance to the Tomb of the Nine Gods. At the end of the cave entrance they came upon a grid that could hold all nine puzzle cubes. Unfortunately, they had absolutely no clue how to solve the puzzle. After a few tries that resulted in Compassion being struck with lighting from triggering the trap, the party decided they needed to ask their enemy for help.
Padre used his sword to cut off the Red Wizardress’s head and then Hertz called upon the power of Talos to cast Speak with Dead. Upon being temporarily returned to life, Hertz was quick to explain why she should help the party despite the fact they had just killed her hours earlier. Specifically, Hertz noted that if they did not get into the tomb and destroy the Soulmonger, it would not be long before her soul was consumed by the artifact. If she chose to help the party, they would ensure that after the Soulmonger was destroyed they would made sure that she gets resurrected.
Realizing she had no other choice, the dead wizardess explained that the cube of the neutral god had to be placed in the center of the 3 x 3 grid, and that the opposing god cubes should be placed across from each other. She then reiterated a creepy nursery rhyme, made more creepy by the fact it was being sung by a decapitated head, which explained which gods of Omo were in direct opposition to one another. With that information in hand, they thanked the head for its help and then proceeded to drop kick it out of the cave.
(Editor’s note: I hated the fact that we didn’t get a nursery rhyme written out, so I took some time out of my not so valuable schedule and tried writing one up after doing some research. I hope that you enjoy, but if you don’t, blame Eric for not having written one out.
“When Ubtao stopped shedding his tears and put Omu in a draught
The legend of the nine trickster gods started out
Obo’laka made Ubtao a stew made of virtue and good qualities
I’jin added recklessness to the recipe and then they became enemies
Shagambi wanted to lance the evil in the Omuan’s hearts with her holy spear
Nangnang stole the spear, and now is running away from her in perpetual fear
Papazotl liked to play tricks on Omuans so he sent Kubazan to reason with Ubtao
Ubtao gave Kubazan some tentacles and now chases Papazotl through the bayou
Wongo stole some water from Ubtao’s palace but had to hide it fast
Moa told Ubtao the truth, of course, now Wongo wants Moa for breakfast
Unkh heard all of the chaos and came outside, the sun shined brightly
She blinded Ubtao to the point of making the hardened god cry mightily
Tis the legend of the nine trickster gods for you rubes
Now you must solve their puzzle using only these cubes”)
Upon solving the puzzle cube . . . puzzle, the wall disappeared revealing the entrance to the Tomb of the Nine Gods. Upon entering, they spent the next few hours jumping over pit traps, avoiding swinging blades, findings hidden doors, and fighting the occasional undead monstrosity.
Eventually, the party made their way into a room with a sarcophagus. Wondering what may be inside, Compassion and Padre lifted the lid. Entombed within was a skeleton wearing a very fancy ring. Upon casting Identify, Xilix learned that it was a Ring of Protection. Unfortunately, upon taking the ring off of the finger of the skeleton, a dark mist briefly formed and then flew directly up Xilix’s nose. A voice and image appeared in Xilix’s brain and he learned the awful truth of what happened, he was now possessed by the bear god of Omo!
Will Bear-God Xilix make a better traveling companion than Drug-Addict Xilix? What new horrors await in the Tomb of the Nine Gods? Find out next week on Tales from the Plunderbund Consortium!
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As promised, here is the other Cube related video. If you have never seen the Cube franchise of films, go acquire them now. The first and third films are really solid, and the second is okay with lowered expectations.
Also, in case you wanted to know more about the trickster Gods from this blog, I found 2 really solid resources online. I will provide links to them. I don’t own any of the rights to that stuff, but I wanted to give you more background info.
http://homebrewery.naturalcrit.com/share/H17v_F01i-
Legend of the Nine Trickster Gods
byu/hells_angle inStupidDnD
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