This is a unique anthology series.
This opening is obnoxious, handheld nonsense. I remember hating it when I saw it and not giving it a chance afterward. There’s like 3 or 4 guys in a parking garage, they grab a girl and force her shirt up. We see a boob. Then they go to a place and destroy it like destructive assholes. These are the type of people whom I would love to murder. The guys are proud of their boob shot, but they want to do upskirt stuff. Then a guy used a bat and broke a TV. This is as dumb as it sounds. Also, there are random shots of a guy and girl in bed. We see her tits, and she is mad that he is filming. The fellas are going to a place to steal a VHS tape. They break into a house and there’s a dead guy in a chair.
Amateur Night
We more tits, so #3. Handheld drunk footage with really abrasive people. Some girl with really big eyes likes the camera guy. Great, they got kicked out. So there are 3 guys and one chick and big eyes. Big Eyes just snorted something. One dude has the glasses with the camera built-in. Lily is big eyes, Lisa is the other girl. There is a Shane, Patrick, and Clint. Lily is annoyed by the drunkest obnoxious girl. Lisa is passed out, so the guy is pissed as he wanted to get his fuck on. So horn dog moves in on Lily, and our camera guy is a pussy. Shane is horny guy, and he removes Lily’s clothes, so #4 boobs and bush, and ass. She is grabbing the camera guy, but the other guy is getting undressed. Sweet, Lily beat drunk bad. Hahaha. Shane is loving it. She is biting the shit out of Shane. Patrick is nude in the bathroom with Clint. Hahaha, Shane is dead, and Lily is ravenous. There’s Pat’s dick. Patrick took the shower curtain rod to Lily, she was not fazed. Clint is trying to get Lisa, but Clint should just run as Pat is getting devoured. Hey, she tossed away his dick and balls. Clint finally gets out of the room. He is outside, now inside, fell down the stairs, really broke his wrist bad. Lily is there. She looks really fucked up and her nose and forehead are all weird, and she has really sharp teeth. She tries to say that she likes him, but he is scared, so she cries after being rejected. Clint is outside begging for help, but he is swooped up by vampire Lily.
Back to more random footage. Zac and Gary are looking for the tape and Zac sees some naked person in the basement with them. Next segment.
Second Honeymoon
Sam and Stephanie are our leads. Steph pets a horse, and he wants to ensure that she washes her hands before eating. They are in a hotel with 2 beds. The sheets are stained. They are at some wild west tourist attraction. There’ an old gold miner who will tell you your future. Pappy is fantastic. At the hotel, he is trying to get her topless on camera. She ain’t having it. There’s a knocking at the door. It was a college-age girl. She asked if they could give her a ride tomorrow. Now she is gone, but he said that she kinda freaked him out. They don’t sleep together. Well somebody is in there with them holding the camera while they sleep. This person takes out their knife and checking out her nice panties. This person went through their stuff, including a wallet. Put a toothbrush in the toilet, then put it back for use. The next morning, he uses it. Yup. Oh, and he’s missing money from his wallet. He accuses her of taking his money. He says it wouldn’t be the first time that she decided to treat herself. They are now hiking near rocks, and they are close to a drop. He wants to play craps, and they aren’t sure whether to extend their trip or not. It’s night time, the camera is rolling again. They stab him in the throat. It’s a chick who is making out with Stephanie. Cool, I guess.
Back to dickwads in the house.
Tuesday the 17th
There are 2 guys, 2 chicks. They are driving to a lake. They see a guy and honk at him to scare him. Yeah. Wendy is the Brunette, Samantha is the blonde. Joey is the camera guy who dates Wendy. Spider is the guy with glasses. Wendy shows them some wall out in the woods. She gets mad, throws dirt at the camera like a cunt. Wendy says “Joey, you’re all gonna fucking die up here” and it was very matter of fact. Spider won’t do drugs. He doesn’t want to get the fear. This is awful. I think they are smoking weed. Wendy says that there was a lot of murders, and she had them fooled. Joey wants to go swimming. And full man ass. “Probably gonna be 2 inches in a few seconds”. Wait, 2 inches is huge, right? Right? Spider was recording Sam and she was about to show him something, and she gets a knife through the skull, then Spider gets it in the chest. Wendy picks up the camera. She goes to Joey and tells him that the others left, and she asks him if he wants to fuck. He isn’t going for it. The figure that caused the murder looked fucked up on the screen, like pixelated. This time Wendy is ready for him. He kills Joey, and she is running. She wants to get this guy. She got him to fall in a pit, but he is back up. This all just looks so bad, but I kinda dig it too. The chase is on. Hey, there’s Joey walking around with a slit throat. He isn’t very responsive. She the entity trapped, briefly. She just got beat to death with the camera and it feasted on her innards. That was bad.
Back to the dickwads.
The Sick Thing That Happened To Emily When She Was Younger
Emily is webcam chatting with her dude, and she has a bruise on her arm. I think his name is James. She just got very topless with big knockers. Those are #5 for titties. She tells him that she hears things at night. At night, they chat again, she opens the door and of course, it’s dark. She says that her apartment is haunted, and it feels familiar. A little kid was just in her room and closed the door. That was great. She is rubbing and scratching her arm. She says that it’s like a lump. It’s night again, and she hears noises. Time to go looking again, and ready for the jump scare. She is using her camera’s flash to see in the living room, and there’s the kid again. Of course, he wasn’t recording yet again. Next day, she finds out that nobody has died there. She has dug a hole in her arm, it is very gnarly. Holy balls, that was awesome. Nighttime again. She’s hearing footsteps. She is gonna close her eyes so the ghost doesn’t scare her, and he will tell her when he sees it. This is foolproof! There are 2 girls. Emily is knocked out, and there’s a guy there. He is slicing her up. He took something human out of her, and the thing in her arm is a tracking device. It’s her boyfriend. He breaks her arm. The next day, her arm is in a sling. Her doctor diagnosed her as schizo effective. At night she is getting her top off. He has her sit back so he can stare at her tits.
The dickwads are in the house, and the body is missing. Gary can’t find Zack. Oh there he is, headless. The old “dead guy” just killed Gay.
10/31/98
It’s Halloween night, time to get dressed up and party with his buddies. We have Chad, Matt, Tyler, and Paul. They are a pirate, an army guy, a furry animal, and I don’t know, a guy in a grey hoodie. Nobody is answering the door. I don’t know if this place is supposed to be scary, but I just saw a rug like the one in Big Lebowski. They hear noises upstairs. They are hearing some guy preaching loudly, and we have a circle of guys with a tied up chick, and they want their lord to rise up. Hahahah. The guys join in the chant. One of the chanting guys is beating the fuck out of the girl. Now guys are getting lifted off the ground. She was one bad bitch. The filming guy says that they can’t leave, he feels bad for the girl who is screaming and crying. Dumbass. They fight with the older guys, but the older guys are getting fucked up. They untie her. There are arms through floor and doors, things flying, doors shrinking, not opening. They bring her to the basement. Handprints forming on walls. This is awesome!!!!! The arms are great coming out. They make it outside, they are trying to get her to the car. They get her in. They drive off. They are trying to keep her alive and breathing. The car is stalled. She disappears, she’s outside the car and screaming, now she is in front and they can’t get out, and of course, they are stalled on the train tracks. BOOM!
End Film
Well, they gave us lots of tits at the very least. This was incredibly hit or miss. I hate shaky cam shit, so I am not happy with that aspect. Amateur night was good once they finally got to the hotel room. Second Honeymoon was not good at all and just went nowhere. It was pedestrian. Tuesday the 17th was ok, and it had potential, but it’s nothing I care to see again. It wasn’t boring at least, so I give it props. The Emily story was really good, and I loved her tits. And the finale was my favorite. So much awesomeness happening, good build, good end. Everything went well for me. As for the wraparound story, it sucked, it was obnoxious, and makes me fear watching the rest. Some good ideas could have been better with a budget and not handheld bullshit cam. Sorry, the opening 5 minutes or so is some of the worst I have ever seen and it made me stop watching. If it had been a theater, I would have left.
Final rating: 5.2 Only because there is some decent stuff if you skip past the “tie together story”.
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- 8383 Productions (copyright holder)
- Bloody Disgusting
- Studio71
- The Collective Studios (as The Collective)
Please go find a copy and support the creators.