I found this on some horror movie list, it sounds interesting at least.
A thief just busted in a jewelry store in a mall. And some robot just told him to stop and stalked him, shot him, and that was part of a film presentation. Oh my, these bots are going to be the new security for this all. This is really happening. The robot can tell who’s good or bad by scanning a security badge. Oh man, so people are going to get stuck in there with the bots. This is amazingly 80’s. This is already a fucking treat.
There’s a lightning storm and is fucking up the security control panel and it is smoking. I love all of the indoor smoking. The cook in the restaurant is smoking, security guy is. He is looking at a porno mag, there’s the first pair of tits, and the robot reaches through the mag and kills him. We have met 2 waitresses and a cook, and then 3 dudes who work at the carpet store. Now we have a couple who have a messed up vehicle, he fails to fix it, but she fixes it the first try. I think they were Rick and Linda. Mike is the horny dude at the furniture place and he finds his girlfriend Leslie, and while making out, her dad comes by, wants her to close up. I just saw boob in the locker room. Suzy is the more attractive of the 2 waitresses, Allison reminds me of a younger Marcy D’Arcy from Married With Children. Suzy is having a party later I guess.
Another tech guy shows up in the security room, and he’s a chill nerd. The one bot rotates his head and looks at another one like “Hey, you see this fucking guy?”OK, he gets killed.
At the party in the furniture store, the party is going on. Ferdy, the nerdy guy who works at the store is popping his collar, and it was a delight. Suzy introduces Ferdy to Allison. Awww yeah. I am positive that I just saw a GI Joe toy, and that pleases me. The bots are now out. Linda and Rick are at the party and Linda comes out in her bra and panties, and fucking 80′ s lingerie is the worse. Suzy just got topless. Leslie is topless with Mike. And of course Ferdy and Allison are watching an old school horror flick and she scares easy. He is trying to get her drunk. “Oh god oh god, you’re the king” is screamed during these 2 talking. OH, and they start making out. Sweet, Dick Miller!!!! I loved him as Uncle Willie in Demon Knight. He’s a janitor in the mall cleaning up a mess, and the bot shocks him to death.
Mike has to go get Leslie some cigarettes and she inspires him but pushing her 2 big tits together for him. This film clearly had a target audience in mind. He goes to a cigarette vending machine, back when those existed, and it costs $1.25 for Virginia Slims. Then, of course, a bot shows up, doesn’t care, tranquilizes him and does something to his throat, so now Leslie on the prowl. Great close up on her ass in the Playboy panties. She finds him and his throat is sliced open. She is now being hunted. The bot shoots pink laser projectiles, and she screams, which gets the group’s attention. The bot shoots her head and it explodes. 2 bots break down the furniture store doors and start attacking. The group barricades themselves in the office. They need to find weapons, but the steel doors are closing. Fantastic.
They go up through the air vents, well the women do. The guys break into the sporting goods store. This is everything the original Dawn of the Dead could have been. They get a fucking assault rifle, a shotgun, and a nice handgun. Ferdy has the handgun and says he knows how to use it because he has seen Dirty Harry 24 times. His logic is flawless. They shoot up a bot. Ferdy with the propane tank throw and Rick with the assault rifle blows it up and this, THIS is why I do this blog. This is the sort of gem I love to discover. Rick is wielding the shotgun.
The girls start making Molotovs. The guys have more propane tanks. The girls are being hunted. They light their Molotov and try to burn the bot. Nope. Suzy tripped, and the bot sees this and shoots her gas can, and she is burned up. The guys open fire. It’s no use! If I was a female auditioning for a horror film, I’d demand that I trip at least once. They all race upstairs, the bot follows via elevator. Rick puts the 2 propane tanks on top of the elevator. He leaps off the thing like he’s MacGuyver, and then they open fire on the tanks. Oh my. That jump……soooo good. Allison steals Ferdy’s gun and nails the tank since nobody else can shoot, oh and her dad’s a marine, which means that she can shoot somehow? Logic!!
Greg is bitching at the girls for not staying put, and Greg is being a dick. They are talking about how there’s one more out there and Greg wants to Rambo this shit. Ferdy would rather go to the control room and shut them down. “Computer huh? Let’s go crash the fucker!” says Greg. So they make their run They go up the stairs, and of course, Greg is hellbent on being ahead of everybody, and he gets killed. So they get killed in pairs. There are 2 bots. Morons. The group lift up the steel door and make their way upstairs, but the bots are cutting through it with their lasers.
Allison has a brilliant idea, maybe we should split up. Yes, that is what we need! Back when they made everybody dumb as hell and it was a thing to be admired. I wish they had the rights to “No Easy Way Out” from Rocky IV. Allison is getting awfully bossy. The group stands tall among mannequins. The bots fire and a laser shot is reflected by a mirror. It manages to still shoot and kill Linda. Rick in a fit of rage goes to take it out, be he gets shocked to death. We are down to Ferdy and Allison, duh. Allison wants to split up now to find the central computers. She’s the brains of this outfit now. Hmmm, the music reminds me of something out of Metroid, the video game, and that’s a very good thing. I want to play Metroid.
So they are separated and both having their minor jump scares. A bot is behind Allison and she starts screaming for Ferdy. SO what was the point in splitting up? Ferdy shoots the bot in its laser area so it keeps saying “laser malfunction”. Ferdy hucks a heavy-looking cylinder tank at the bot. It hucks it back, knocking Ferdy out and he is bleeding from the head. Sooo she hides in a pet store, and a snake and 4 spiders are on the prowl. She is on the floor hiding and the spiders and snakes are on her. She gets up and the fake spider falls off her. It was fantastic. The bot goes away, but she screams and gives her position away. Bot is on the hunt. She is hanging on the railing so as not to be seen. There’s a big tent down there, so she falls on it. Now she can’t walk, oh now she can. And she easily broke through a glass door in the funniest of ways. She is in the paint store and opening all the cans. She lures the bot in and then she gets out, tosses a road flare and there’s a big boom.
As she limps away, there’s Ferdy, he’s alive. Tells her nice shot, and they run to each other and hug it out in the middle of the mall.
End Film
I can’t tell you that this is some masterpiece, but it is self-aware and having fun. In that regard, it exceeded my expectations. I mean, it’s a teenage slasher with killer robots in a mall. Like, they just randomized things. It’s like a roulette wheel. How many teens? How many boobs? Location? Killer? Just randomize that and that sums up the 80’s horror genre often. The thing is, I really liked this one, and it was short. Something that you can watch with a group of friends and have a good time. Just what I needed.
Final rating: 6.0
All the pictures used in this blog are for review purposes. They are the property of:
- Concorde Pictures (presents) (as Concorde)
- Trinity Pictures
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