Categories
Film Reviews Horror

Pernicious (2014)

This movies sounds silly but has decent reviews, so giving it a shot. It is only 92 minutes long.

We start off in Thailand, 2 people are tied up, the dude is killed, and the girl is about to be. And roll the credits. So these 3 scantily glad bitches who are on an adventure to Thailand. Alex (Pretty blonde), Julia (brunette), and Rachel who looks like the biggest whore in her Kelly Bundy finest. Wait, the whore is the smart one? What is this day of rest?

They are checking out the place that they have rented for the summer. They have some sweet old stuff, and a gold statue of a girl and the girl will haunt them I’d guess. The statue’s chest moved at night. They have an old dude creep in, but he appears to just be a harmless old guy, but a younger guy comes in and can fluently speak English? REALLY? They go shopping, and there is a sweet dragon statue. They suspect 2 dudes of following them, so Rachel yells at them. They go to a bar and are rude to the British guy who hits on Julia. He is with the 2 guys creeping, so Rachel is going to investigate by being a blunt moron. I cannot wait for these bitches to get tortured. Rachel comes back to the girls and wants to go hang out with them. Julia says no, but Rachel calls in a favor. Alex ends up with short dude, Rachel ends up with a Tim Roth scruffy vagabond. Julia is with the guy that she was a bitch to  He comes up on her, and bump into the golden girl statue. All the girls take drinks from this flask, but the guys don’t. Yeah…..

Julia has tied up her man and had a hood over his head, and she takes up a really big, fake as fuck knife and stabs him in the thigh. He his unhappy. Alex is hot in her bra and panties, has her guy tied to a bed and slices his belly. Rachel feeds her guy his eyeball. Julia has some plier and takes off one of his fingernails, and a toenail, well lots of them. Alex plunged her fake knife in his chest. Julia just pulled out her dude’s tongue. And now she is chiseling out some teeth. Rachel just killed her man, wiped the blood all over her and licked it. Julia slit her dude’s throat and enjoyed being sprayed upon by him. And then Julia wakes up. It’s breakfast time, and she tells the girls how she had a violent dream, and yeah, all 3 had the same dream. Julia claims that they were roofied, but I doubt it.

All of their possession are gone. Oh, and the statue is missing. BUT WHY? The acting is painfully bad. Rachel says that they can be held responsible for all the missing stuff. Moron. Julia is making a call. She called somebody this person said, “What gold statue?” Dun dun dun. They are there as part of a program. They go out looking for a replacement statue. How come everybody speaks English here? Rachel keeps seeing a girl, and Rachel goes to talk to her and she motions for her to follow, so the girls chase the girl. This is fucking awesome. The end up at some abandoned village. Also, I hear crows. Caw caw caw. Girl directs them inside and there is like  They talk to this witch-like lady trying to get a statue in this hut. Of course, she can speak English too. Oh, and the witch has a statue, well at least a picture of it. The little girl is a vision. They let her out. The witch gives the girls necklaces and says that the girl has turned on them. Sigh. A piece of my soul just died.

Alex just threw away her necklace. And I am just gonna highlight anything beyond this point as Shane the webcam guy was giving them advice, and the computer zapped. We see a shadow of a hand near Alex’s window, doors close, clothes in the closet moving. oh and of course the golden girl crawling out from under the clothes. Oh, and they touched hands but didn’t even scream.

Julia is in the tub, and she saw it briefly, I saw no boobs. The golden girl touched her head. All the girls reconvene after be scared, So that whole scene, in the beginning, the girl, yea. We find out from young dude with Old Man. The old man gives them a medallion that may help. Young dude, nephew, is possessed and kills himself. Julia just killed old man because she is a raging idiot who shoved old man and bumped his head on the corner of a table. Alex is possessed, the girls are packing to leave. Alex, rape them, please. They end up downstairs and see the Brits that they killed. Yeah, they did it. The girls showered together, while in their undies. For fuck’s sake. Alex just took both out with one swing a pipe. The makeup…..yeah. Alex just killed Julia!!! I just need her to kill Rachel and I win. I picked Alex to survive everything from the moment we saw them. YES, she killed Rachel and Alex is bathing in her blood. She gets on webcam and tells Shane that Rachel has been hurt and he needs to come and the film ends.

End Film

Well, I won’t be watching this film ever again. I thought the acting sucked, it’s stupid how many of the native Thailand people spoke English. The gore was good….kinda. The tongue ripping out was stupid how it was done. I was bored. The story was kinda there, but the acting wasn’t. This wasn’t for me.

Final rating: 2.5

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