We are short handed this week. I’d like to think that people are taking a stance against the stupid decision to edit this episode, but we both know that’s a lie. I am here with my AHS gal pal, Melanie, and we slog our way through yet another “riveting” episode of AHS. We tried, we did, but they aren’t giving us a lot to work with, and I’m fucking cranky.
Is this whole season just going to be mostly a series of flashbacks?
Melanie: Yes, but aren’t most season filled with an exorbitant amount? (Kent: You are probably right. I can think of some instances and I am sure I am forgetting a lot more. It seemed to me, and once again I am probably wrong, but it seemed like most of the flashbacks took a jump back in time so it fit the narrative. In this case, they are retelling things that happened weeks or months ago and that just seems lazy in a way.)
Kent: It appears that way, which Kent of 5 years ago would have loved. Kent with no short term memory is struggling to keep things straight. It’s unfortunately confusing at times for me and I practically need a chart to keep shit straight.
Much like Emma Roberts, Mare Winningham showed up for one whole episode. Are you satisfied with her role or would you have preferred more?
Melanie: I was satisfied with her role of a badass bitch. I think that people are doing a one and done because they don’t want to be more associated with this piece of garbage of a season. (Kent: That is slow clap worthy.)
Kent: I want more Mare! I fear that with Frances Conroy being the last familiar face left, she’s gonna be a one and done as well. Which begs the question, if they were going to do all of these one and dones, why didn’t they get more familiar faces?
Does the truth behind the gas trucks disappoint you?
Melanie: I was sure it was wine, so yes very disappointed. (Kent: So just in case any of the readers wish to buy Melanie a Christmas gift, she has been dropping some pretty big hints.)
Kent: Absolutely, unless it’s a lie. I’m still hoping for the joker. This seems all too clever ridiculous at this point.
Give me your thoughts on Meadow and her death?
Melanie: It just shows how people have really bought into Kai’s bullshit. At least she got some dick before she went. (Kent: See, that’s underappreciated. In the end, don’t we all just want a little something something before we die? Granted, I would also be happy with a box of Slim Jims, pizza, and a good horror flick, but that’s just me. Hookers and blow is still the way to go.)
Kent: Meadow has been my favorite character this season and I hated seeing her go down the way she did. It was a real bummer.
When considering AHS’ rich history of antagonists, has Kai done enough this season at this moment to be rated higher than the main antagonist from any other season? I’m not going to try to list them because this has become an exercise in futility. I would say that the first 5 seasons have multiple main antagonists, so you use your best judgement.
Melanie: He has proven himself to be the main antagonist, which is so very hard. Each season has more than one main antagonist…so bravo to him. But he is still not the best of the worst, lol. (Kent: Melanie and i talked about the main antagonists from season’s past. You would think that with all past seasons having multiple “main” antagonists, that with Kai being the top of the heap here, that he would be ranked higher. And then you consider the heap that he is on top of. SIgh.)
Kent: The thing is that he’s the leader and has followers. But he’s also involving politics. The Butcher didn’t stoop to that level. I want to give him credit for being a mastermind, but this has been so over the top that the credibility isn’t what you would like it to be. Until further notice, he’s still in last, but has potential to move past Butcher and maybe the aliens from season 2.
Were You Kentertained by this particular episode?
Melanie: Eh, not really.
Kent: This episode was a step down from the previous 2-3 weeks. It answered so many questions, but knowing that everything is real and not in Ally’s head has really lost a lot of luster. They turned the scope back to politics. Then there was the whole editing thing due to Vegas. That whole thing was a bunch of horseshit. If you are traumatized by violence at this point in time, it’s understandable, most people are empathetic to your plight, but use some fucking common sense and don’t watch a TV series titles American Horror Story. Don’t be a fucking idiot. I’m miserable and cranky. No, I can’t say that I was Kentertained this week, but I look forward to next week in the spirit of optimism! (Melanie: I watched the unedited one, you didn’t really miss much.)
The 9 Deuce Horror Group sat down and answered some questions surrounding the original and remake of one of the most iconic horror franchises in history, Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I am here with Kristi, Dom, and Cece, so I want to thank them.
When you saw the 1974 version for the first time, and watched the opening about how this was real, did you wonder if it really did happen, or did you just assume that it was just another horror flick?
Kristi: I am more apt to believe it’s based off of true events when it says that. So I believed it.
Dom: No, I believe that it took some true life event for it’s inspiration
Cece: The actual legitimate story probably didn’t take place, however, it was said to have been influenced by Ed Gein.
Kent: Yeah, I bought into it at first.
I don’t think that we had seen much, if anything quite as extreme as this in mainstream cinema in America at the time. This set the bar for awhile. Chronologically, what was the next film that you feel upped the extreme factor beyond this particular film? There are no wrong answers, but I may poke fun a bit because I’m a jerk.
Kristi: If I’m being honest here, I really haven’t seen many films from the 70s, so I will go with my favorite, Mr. Michael Myers in Halloween.
Dom: Friday the 13th. I hear that many moviegoers were not ready for the “extreme” violence of the original TCM
Cece: Honestly, I am not sure. I think a lot of people really clung to Blair Witch when it came out.
Kent: Salo is the answer. There are no other answers. It is Salo. Of you haven’t seen Salo, don’t, but know that is the answer.
Which character got the worst death in the original film? What about in the remake?
Kristi: Original- the first girl that got killed. Hanging on that hook is way worse than getting clobbered in the head.
Remake- Kemper, Again with the damn hook! Dom: Original: The dude in the wheelchair. Just couldn’t get away. Remake: Morgan
Cece: Hook girl is pretty solid for the original. For the remake, I’d say Andy or Morgan.
Kent: Franklyn and Andy
The original had one of the better endings, especially for it’s time. Aside from Psycho, can you think of other films prior to the 80’s that had such a unique ending? If so, what film(s)?
Dom:planet of the apes
Cece: Honestly, I am clueless on this matter.
Kent: Salo, Jaws was interesting, The Hills Have Eyes, The Nudist Colony of the Dead, I Drink Your Blood, Suspiria, a lot of them is in the conversation.
Tobe Hooper had a good career as a film director, he also did Salem’s Lot, Poltergeist, Billy Idol’s music video for “Dancing With Myself”, an episode of Tales From The Crypt with Whoopie Goldberg, The Funhouse, Lifeforce, The Funhouse, along with a few other things. Would you consider this his best work or do you prefer something else that he did?
Dom: This will be his masterpiece.
Kristi: I actually prefer Poltergeist. The girl screaming for 20 minutes in TCM was annoying as hell. Shut the hell up, calm down, and figure out a plan! Don’t get me wrong, I love this movie, but seriously, did she need to sit there and scream uncontrollably at the table?
Cece: This will always be his best work.
Kent: Poltergeist was a better done film, but this is my preference. Not my best answer, I admit.
Let’s talk about the hitchhiker scene in the beginning of both films. The original had a male while the remake had a female. Which one set the tone better for the rest of the film in your opinion?
Kristi: I have to go with the remake. It gave me an idea of where the film was going. I enjoyed the original as well but it didn’t really give me any direction as to where the film was headed.
Dom: Both. Each had a different reason for being there in the beginning as a set up for later.
Cece: I think the remake was a better feel honestly.
Kent: I think remake, but both served their purpose, but that fucking exit would in the remake.
The remake starred both Jessica Biel and R Lee Ermey of Full Metal Jacket fame. Did this help the remake by adding well known people, or did it detract a bit from the experience?
Kristi: I like her. I was not distracted at all by them being in it. For me, it added to my enjoyment of the film.
Dom: It’s the content of the film as well as the story for the most part, though bad acting can totally destroy a film too
Cece: Usually when using big names, I do get distracted. However, this didn’t bother me for this film.
Kent: This one worked because Jessica Biel has had a meaningless career career, so it came down to R Lee and he killed it in this one and the prequel. I liked it.
Who was your favorite character in either film?
Kristi: Original- The Hitchhiker. He was batshit crazy. I like that.
Remake- I enjoyed Jessica Biel’s charactor. She irritated me a little bit in the beginning but I think she did a pretty damn good job overall.
Dom: LeatherFace for both
Cece: I love the crazy family members of Leatherface.
Kent: Original is the Hitchhiker, remake is Sheriff Hoyt
When you simply consider the look of how both movies were filmed, obviously the remake had a significantly more polished feel to it, which style do you prefer? The low budget feel of the original or the polished Hollywood style of the remake?
Kristi: I usually like the more Hollywood style but for this film, I liked the low budget feel. I think it adds to the film. Dom: The original having that low budget feel made it feel like a documentary , but a good documentary. The polished feel was expected of today’s audiences. But i felt both styles were done good.
Cece: The low budget feel in the original takes the cake. This is one of the main reasons this movie scares the shit out of me.
Kent: I gotta go with original, but it is very close. I love 70’s gritty look.
It’s okay to admit that this was a well done remake. Not all remakes are inherently evil or unwanted. When done right, they can be a positive experience. Name a few remakes that you really enjoyed. The obvious example is The Thing in the 80’s, and that will be my answer, but there are quite a few others.
Kristi: Rob Zombie’s Halloween is the first to come to mind. I think It was done very well also! I didn’t hate Carrie either. It could just be because I like the girl, but I thought it was ok.
Dom: R Zombie’s Halloween. Black Christmas
Cece: Zombie’s Halloween for sure (but only the first one) also IT (2017)
Kent: The Thing, Halloween, The Crazies, Friday the 13th, Night of the Living Dead with Tony Todd, IT
Have you seen any of the sequels, and if so, did you like any of them?
Kristi: I have not seen them.
Dom: i have but i only remember bits and pieces. So I’m guessing no.
Cece: I have seen bits and pieces of the 2nd one with the chili cook off and it’s so bizarre. My mom thinks it’s hilarious.
Kent: I have unfortunately. Part 3 was the best of the original 3 sequels, and the prequel to the remake was fine as was the 3D film for what it was.
Oh no, not another horror film trying to capitalize on the lure of 3D. Seriously, it’s a ridiculously long, and by and large, bad list of horror films. To try to make sense of this one, you have to forget every sequel and remake. This gets rid of all of that and is a direct follow up to the 1974 film. Confused? Yeah, I imagine so were many other people. Then there is the questionable casting of Trey Songz. He wasn’t a good pick and I know that horror has a fine lineage of hip hop stars in horror films, but he wasn’t very good. It wasn’t even his fault, but they made his character pretty shitty with not much to work with, if we are being completely honest. Scott Eastwood is a capable actor, but he wasn’t given much to work with either. They did bring back Gunnar Hansen, Marilyn Burns, and Bill Moseley from the past, and that was a cool thing. Anyway, let me do up a synopsis with some spoilers and then my final thoughts and rating.
This movie starts with the town getting vengeance on the Sawyer clan and burn their farmhouse down. This is led by Mayor Burt Hartman. It very much reminds me of the shoot out at the beginning of Devil’s Rejects. This was a fun start. A lady has a baby, Edith Rose Sawyer, and she gets shot, so Gavin and Arlene take the baby in and treat it as their own, So like 20 years later, we are in present day. We meet our group of jackass young people: Heather (Alexandra Daddario), Ryan (Trey), Nikki, and Kenny. On top of that, they pick up a hitchhiker….yes, for reals, and his name is Daryl (Scott Eastwood). Heather finds out that she is adopted by the way and gets all pissy at her folks. She meets up with the lawyer, Farnsworth, played by the great Richard Riehle. Heather has inherited a house from her aunt Verna, and Farnsworth keeps telling her to read the letter that comes with it, but Heather is a dumbass. Seriously, you get a free house, maybe you should read the fucking letter.
Anyway, Daryl tries stealing while everybody else is out shopping for food and supplies. Well Daryl gets got by Leatherface. As you can imagine, people get systematically killed. This time though, There’s Leatherface and Mayor Hartman who just has a hate on for the Sawyers. This gets a tad convoluted along the way as Heather learns of her family history. At the end, when all of her people are dead, the Mayor and his cronie are about to put Leatherface in a grinder, but Heather saves Leatherface’s life. He is now her protector and they fuck up shit. This part was a feel good moment, although you are left to sympathize with the murderous Sawyers…I think. I don’t know anymore. There was a good story here, but too much bullshit to be truly happy. Then the tacky addition of 3D does make for a less memorable experience.
Also, there’s a great post credits scene where Heather’s parents come to try to cash in, and Heather ain’t having any of that so they meet Mr. Leatherface.
Final Thoughts – I loved how they tied this to the original. I really enjoyed that aspect. I didn’t need all of the filler. I know that filler was needed. Unfortunately, they tried to make the Sawyer’s sympathetic, and I am unsure if that was smart. This isn’t Devil’s Rejects where we followed them on this story and journey. Technically, the journey was the original and that isn’t gonna make you like them much. I’d be thrilled if we don’t get a 3D horror film for another 10-20 years. They almost always suck huge donkey dick. If you want a different take on the story, which is what all of the modern films seem to be about, you could do worse. Just know that the acting is lackluster after the opening house burning.
Rating: 5.1 Mainly because I want to watch this after the original to see if I get more from this perhaps. I wish it did better with the group’s characters.
This is the follow up to the 2003 Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and Michael Bay is still involved. Now, I need to clear up some confusion, this film is a prequel to the 2003 film. Not only that, but as of right now, these 2 films are in their own plane of existence and share nothing with any of the other 8 films. This will hopefully clear up some confusion, especially with the different names of the family, such as Hewitt and Sawyer and Hartman that you will see in others. I’m going to give you a synopsis that will contain spoilers and then provide you with my final thoughts as well as a rating.
This film takes place 4 years prior to the 2003 film. We see the birth of a baby, which would end up in the dumpster and then in the loving arms or R Lee Ermey’s wife, and of course that baby would turn out to be Leatherface. We have a decent cast of recognizable names. Our main group of young people includes: Chrissie (Jordana Brewster), Eric (Matt Bomer), Bailey (Diora Baird), and Dean. The great Lew Temple has a role early on as the Sheriff that Ermey kills and that answers how he became the sheriff in the previous film. Eric and Dean are brothers, and Eric has been to Vietnam and Dean has been drafted. Dean doesn’t want to go, but Eric is going and wants his brother to come. So there’s your back story.
The girls go into a store and raise the suspicions of some bikers. The group leaves and get chased down by this biker chick. There’s an accident and the sheriff shows up, shoots the biker chick and puts Eric, Dean, and Bailey in the cop car. Chrissie was thrown from the vehicle and hides. SO basically she spends the whole movie trying to rescue her friends. She goes so far as to recruit the biker chick’s boyfriend to help her, but he is only concerned about his chick and has the upper hand at one point, even shooting the wheelchair bound guy in the 2003 one, which leads to some surgery by Leatherface as ordered by Sheriff. As you know, nobody was going to really make it out of this alive. You know who the last person was going to be standing. I liked how Ermey had a bigger role. He was really a great change of pace antagonist and is everything that McConaughey wished his character was in part 4.
Final Thoughts – I felt that not a lot of people gave this the props that it deserved. This was really fun if you like the antagonists. The downside was that Eric and Dean were dull as fuck, and neither girl had much chance to have a big personality. I liked how they did the gag where the wife gave Sheriff his pants again. I liked the continuity more than anything. The other films up to this point lacked a lot of continuity. I am actually annoyed that this flew under my radar for so many years.
Rating: 6.6 Really good follow up if you liked the 2003 version. If not, you won’t like this either.
Michael Bay wanted to make a reboot of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise, and so he went to work. People frown upon remakes, I am one of them, but this is truly an exception to the rule. This was not the same story as the original, and for that I am grateful. The original was great as it was. This is similar, but different enough. I am going to give you a synopsis full of spoilers followed by my final thoughts and a rating.
We meet our main group of friends. We have Erin (Jessica Biel), her boyfriend Kemper, Morgan (Jonathan Tucker), Andy, and his hitchhiking love interest, Pepper They are on their way to a Lynard Skynard concert. They had gone to Mexico and got a pinata full of weed, so wet blanket, I mean Erin, is pissed at Kemper. They pick up a hitchhiking female, and she is just in rough shape. She just wants to go home and looks like she has been through hell. She doesn’t want to go back and pulls out a loaded gun from her crotchal region and puts a bullet in her dome and we get a great shot through the exit wound. This was so different from the original and set the stage. In the original, the guy was just lonely and nutty. This was the epitome of hopelessness, and it was incredibly sad.
They go to call the sheriff and he wants them to meet by this house, so they explore the barn. Anyway, they end up at the Hewitt house and Erin goes to call again and Kemper grows impatient. Anyway, this is all an elaborate set up. The sheriff gives Morgan, Andy, and Pepper a hard time and asks them to do some ridiculous shit. The sheriff is played by the great R. Lee Ermey. They eventually figure out that he is involved with everything. Kemper gets got first. Everybody gets got and we meet more relatives, including a little boy, Jebidiah. He is played by David Dorfman, who also played the role of Aidan in The Ring. Anyway, Jebidiah, a name that comes up later on in the franchise, he helps Erin escape from Leatherface. The family is not as over the top in this one and set a really nice ambiance. In the end, after having a face off with Leatherface in the meat packing facility, she ends up hotwiring a car and runs over the Sheriff a few times.
Final Thoughts – While the original is very gritty, this is very polished, but in a good way. They made plenty of changes that didn’t hurt the story in any way and made up it’s own backstory which comes into play in the follow up film. I loved the family in this even more than the original. They upped the gore level. It was never scary, but it was dark. Leatherface wasn’t goofy anymore, he was a bad ass killer not to be trifled with. Jessica Biel probably should have had more skin showing through given what she was wearing. Morgan was also an interesting character put in situations that you try to put yourself into, and he was fucked the whole time quintessentially.
Rating: 7.6 it’s the same rating I gave the original. I love both and I am not going to tell you one is better that the other. Some will disagree, and that’s fine. Both have a charm, and both are the best of their respective franchises.
Well what do you have here? One of Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger’s earlier films. You like one of them at least, right? This is the last TCM before the big reboot. I will give a brief spoiler filled synopsis, then give you my final thoughts and rating at the end.
Kim Henkel was one of the original writers and decided to give directing a try, for the first and only time. I am sure he realizes that he made a mistake with this one.This is a fucking mess. In the typical TCM beginning, they refer to the past 2 films as “two minor, yet apparently related incidents”. Really, so just downplay the last 2 films? Well done! So it’s prom night and we meet Jenny (Renee), Barry, Heather, and Sean. Barry is the best part of this whole film, so enjoy his first 15 or so minutes. If you don’t laugh at him, then you probably find Amy Schumer to be the height of hilarity. Heather is driving and gets distracted and gets into a car accident and hurts the other driver. Sean stays with the driver while the other 3 go to this real estate agent’s office, Darla. I should note that Renee is actually attractive here and they did the whole hot chick is really an ugly girl thing that Hollywood never gets sick of doing. Also, Darla is attractive, but at some point, she shows her tits and you struggle identifying where the areola starts due to over tanning. It’s weird and I dwelled on this the rest of the film.
Darla calls Vilmer (McConaughey) as he drives a tow truck. Well Vilmer kills the driver and Sean. Jenny gets separated from Heather and Barry who go to the farmhouse. Barry to W.E. Slaughter (Vilmer’s brother) and Heather gets caught by Leatherface who looks more like a woman than ever before. The fuck? Barry gets killed via Sledgehammer swung by Leatherface. Heather gets placed on a meathook because that’s a staple of these films. Another staple is the running upstairs and then downstairs and running upstairs and jumping out of windows. This isn’t a one trick pony, but like a 4 trick pony.
Jenny meets up with Vilmer, gets a ride with him, but he freaks her out so she gets out and the hunt is on. We see how the family is kinda run by Vilmer, like everybody is afraid of him. He continually hits Darla, but then she gets some licks on him and they are very passionate towards each other. Vilmer also has a weird mechanism on his leg. There is like 30 minutes of filler with Darla getting pizza and cops and then this mysterious Rothman guy who has power over the family somehow. There’s a dinner table scene, as expected. Heather gets burned and killed and Jenny escapes and there’s an airplane and then she gets in a car with Rothman who brings her to a hospital while Leatherface dances in the road again. Yeah, you can understand why I did my best to glance over a bunch of that shit.
Final Thoughts – I still liked this more than part 2. Not by much, but McConaughey was on the verge of being a star, and he is charismatic as fuck here. Darla was a good addition, and Barry kept the beginning fresh and fun. With that being said, this was an absolutely confusing mess of a film. I didn’t get it. Was the illuminati involved, as was hinted? Fuck, this was just all over the place. I am so sick of female empowerment in cases where they shouldn’t have any power and males are always useless or the bad guys. Horror is stupid.
Rating: 2.9 because it was better than part mainly because of Vilmer and Darla. Everything else brought me down. I wouldn’t watch this again.
After 4 long years, the franchise comes back, but without Tobe Hooper. The director is most notable for a lot of terrible sequels. I can say that this was his high point. Anyway, we get a film starring Ken Foree who was in a lot of the Rob Zombie films as well as Dawn of the Dead. We are also treated to a young Viggo Mortensen and Duane Whitaker, so the cast is solid, to an extent. Michelle and Ryan were kinda poorly done if you ask me, but nobody really is. I am going to provide you with a spoiler filled synopsis and follow that up with my final thoughts and rating.
We have Michelle and Ryan who are a young couple and they end up at the Last Chance gas station and meet up with a hitchhiker named Tex (Viggo) and the gas station attendant, Alfredo. Tex gives them some directions, and wants a ride, but they decline and then Alfredo gets out a gun and they speed away and see Alfredo fire his gun. They need to change a tire and meet Leatherface but escape. Then they have a car crash with survivalist, Benny. They tell him their story and Benny looks for help, and along comes Tinker. Benny realizes that Tinker is with Leatherface and soon is dealing with him, but is saved by the chick, Sara, whose entire family was killed. Benny goes to check on Michelle and Ryan, leaving Sara alone, so she gets killed by Leatherface. Wait a damn second. That was it? That was her whole a role? A role of convenience for plot purposes. Get outta here with that shit.
So Ryan gets caught in a bear trap, and Michelle gets to the house and deals with the Little Girl who is the best part of the whole film if we’re being honest. Anyway, the girl is part of the family and Michelle gets tied to a chair for dinner. Yup, decomposed grandpa is there. There is a momma, Anne. We know that everybody is part of the family, and then Ryan gets the sledgehammer to the dome, via the Little Girl. Benny tried to get info from ALfredo, but that goes bad so ALfredo ends up in the bog. Leatherface has a new pimped out chainsaw. Benny finds the house and opens fire and kill Anne and grandpa while Tinker and Tex are injured. Michelle bails. Benny and Tex have a great fight until Tex is burned alive. Then Benny and Leatherface have at it and Michelle causes distractions, but it appears that Benny gets got. By Dawn, Michelle is making it out of the woods while being chased. A pickup truck comes by, and it’s Benny, who is then attacked by Alfredo, so Michelle shoots Alfredo. The duo ride off as Leatherface does his dance in the road with his chainsaw that we saw in the original.
Final Thoughts – There are some quality actors in here, aside from the 3 mentioned, I thought that Anne and the Little Girl were really well done, but smaller parts unfortunately. Michelle wasn’t a good final girl if we’re being honest. Ryan was just awful. Benny should have had a bigger role earlier. There were parts where I got confused, or maybe I was just tired. Too much shit, but it felt like filler. This was better than part 2, but not by much. I have zero interest in seeing it again.
Rating: 3.7 That’s mainly for the characters and actors that I liked. The plot really wasn’t good. Leatherface kinda gets shittier with every sequel unfortunately.
You know what? I don’t have the want or desire to write up a full blog for this sequel. It brought me down. So here’s the full synopsis and it will include spoilers and then I will give my final thoughts and rating.
First of all, I should say that the cast is really good here. They brought back Jim Siedow who played Drayton Sawyer in the original. Drayton was the brother who was the cook, the guy who ran the BBQ place. They replaced the original Leatherface, Gunnar Hansen,which bums me out. They replaced the hitchhiked, Nubbins, with Chop Top Sawyer, who is his brother. I thought that they were the same character, but apparently the hitchhiker is the corpse that Chop Top carries around with him, and in deleted scenes, it is explained more thoroughly. We also have Dennis Hopper who is the uncle, father or brother of Sally and Franklin from part one. Wikipedia says uncle, and I don’t have enough cares to argue against it. Anyway, he’s a former Texas ranger who has been keeping track of these murders. Finally, we have Caroline WIlliams who plays the role of Vanilla Stretch Brock. Stretch is a radio DJ who works with L.G. at K-OKLA.
With that out of the way, the plot is simple. Early on, these 2 jackasses keep prank calling the station and while on a bridge, they meet a truck coming the other way, and it has Leatherface on it. Now, it needs to be pointed out that this was the longest bridge ever apparently despite when showing the bridge, it looks like a normal length, but let’s not let semantics get in the way here. Meanwhile, Drayton wins some Texas chili cook off and it’s just foolishness. Lefty is pursuing the killers and Stretch has the recording of the audio of the murder. Lefty doesn’t want her help, then he does. Chop Top and Leatherface show up to the radio station and beat the hell out of L.G. way beyond the point of death, but we see later that he is still alive. Leatherface wants to sexual stuff to Stretch, but she wins him over and he allows her to live. Lefty goes and buys a huge chainsaw and 2 smaller ones. From this point on, Dennis Hopper does over the top Dennis Hopper stuff with chainsaws while exploring the Sawyer family’s underground lair. Seriously. Lefty ends up in there as well, gets captured, has LG’s face placed on her’s, sees LG rise up and then eventually die. There’s some fights and I feel that Dennis Hopper is taking on Drayton and Leatherface and a grenade goes off ending that, while Stretch and Chop Top fight it out and he falls and she wins. Yeah, that’s how it goes.
Final Thoughts – Wow, I am sad that this movie was made. It was a black comedy, but not a very good one. What’s worse is that Tobe Hooper also made this one. The whole change in atmosphere and vibe really hurt this as a sequel. The OG TCM is so dark and gritty and horrific. This one tried to do something different, which I do admire, but the change in tone from one extreme to another didn’t work for me. A complete waste of Dennis Hopper’s talents. Caroline Williams was the star as far as I’m concerned. Also, did we need to have another dinner table scene? Note, having seen parts 3 and 4 after, I can say that apparently is needed, and a Grandpa always needs to exist. SO frustrating. I do want to note, a lot of people consider the House of 1,000 Corpses film to be a homage to TCM, but nobody notes how Devil’s Rejects has a sheriff who is hell bent on hunting down the family that killed his family. Yeah, big similarities if you think about it.
Rating: 2.7 This wasn’t fun for me. I mentally gave up and almost fell asleep. It was an exercise in absurdity and is the worst of the original 4. Not by much, rest assured I will write about part 4 as well. This movie was a missed opportunity, especially witH Bill Moseley to make this a darker and more serious tone.
I feel that this movie gets the shaft when discussing the OG’s of slashers. Everybody has this odd proverbial hard on for Carpenter’s Halloween, and I have always favored this film instead. Plus it came out years ahead of it’s time. We also lost director Tobe Hooper this year, so let’s do this in honor of him. We will be writing up a spoiler filled synopsis, so feel free to skip over that and hop down to my Final thoughts and rating at the end of the blog. Enjoy.
I really asked if this was real after watching the opening when I was a kid. My mom had no clue, I think she said it was. Good for her lying to my dumbass. So we have Sally and Franklin, who are siblings, and visit their grandfather’s grave. Franklin is in a wheelchair. We also have Jerry, Kirk, and Pam, but let’s face it, they are cannon fodder. Was it a prerequisite for all horror movies in the 70’s to have a van? Jerry has great hair and a great shirt. Franklin talking about how the cows are slaughtered, just ridiculous, and then they pick up the hitchhiker. We get him and Franklin talking cattle, then he steals Franklin’s pocket knife and cuts himself and giggles. This guy is so nutty, but set the stage for what’s to come. He invites the gang to have dinner with his family and takes a picture of them, but it’s not very good, so he decides he is going to light it on fire, and then takes out his razor and cuts Franklin’s arm. Poor Franklin. Pam won’t shut the fuck up about horoscopes, so we know who I want to die first every times, but it never happens first. Sally doesn’t believe in bras, and I thank her.
They make it to the house and nobody is helping Franklin, so he is just bitchy, and hilarious. Kirk and Pam go off to find a swimmin’ hole, but it’s all dried up. On the plus side, they see a barn and hear a generator and hope to get some gas. Kirk goes in the house while Pam sits outside pissed, and he hears a pig squeal. Well, he meets Mr. Leatherface and his friend, the sledgehammer. The imagery inside the house is just wonderful. All the bones and feathers, it’s something to just soak in. Pam is in a very bad room with lots of tools. She tries to leave, but Leatherface snags her and places her ass on a meathook, well not her ass, but you get it. He starts cutting up Kirk with the chainsaw and Pam has to watch. Jerry goes looking for Kirk and Pam while Sally and Franklin stay at the van, and she is pissed at him. Jerry hears noises in the house and he walks in. Like everybody just walks in to stranger’s houses like it’s nothing. Jerry opened the freezer to find Pam, and Leatherface just hammered Jerry in the head. I bet ole Leatherface was so happy to have that many visitors, but maybe not.
It’s now nighttime and Sally and Franklin are getting worried. Franklin thinks that they should go back to the gas station, but Sally wants to go looking for them. Awww, they don’t have the keys to the van. Sally’s hard nipples really wants the flashlight, but Franklin doesn’t want to give it up. He insists on going with her to look. They keep yelling for Jerry, but wouldn’t it be more efficient to yell for Pam and Kirk with their monosyllabic names? They hear something. Ohhh. It’s Leatherface and Franklin just got tore up in that wheelchair. Run, Sally, run!!!
We now have a 25 minute chase scene quintessentially, and old Leatherface is fast for his size. She runs right to his place because she sees some lights on. She runs in the house and goes upstairs, of course she does. She finds a room with 2 bodies in clothes and chairs, so that’s nice. She starts back down the stairs, but he’s heading up so she just leapt through a window. Typical female running and falling down. They make it to the gas station, and she never stops screaming, but fortunately the guy who owns the shop is there to help her.
The guy offers to drive her to Childress since he has no phone. He comes back with the truck, a burlap sack and rope. He attacks her with a broom. He’s tying her up and gagging her. Thank you sir. Sick of her screaming. He put his sack over her face….HA! She is whimpering so he starts prodding her with the broom stick. As he’s driving, he comes across the hitchhiker and this dude starts beating his ass. So the old dude is the daddy of Leatherface and the hitchhiker. Daddy is pissed that Leatherface ruined the door. This is fucking hilarious. Time to get Grandpa. Awww, we finally hear the name Leatherface for the first time. Allllright! Granpa has seen better days. Grandpa is sucking on Sally’s cut finger and he is one happy pappy.
Sally passes out, but when she comes to, she is strapped to a chair at the dining room table, and she screams so the brothers start howling. Hitchhiker starts berating his daddy, saying that he’s only a cook. She has really beautiful eyes. They want to let Grandpa have a whack at her. Grandpa was the best ar killing. He can’t really hold a hammer anymore. He tries, and he finally gets her. But then she leaps out a window and gets to trying to escape. Hitchhiker is out after her first followed by leatherface hauling ass. He is cutting her back up from behind. Then a black dude in the Black Maria truck comes up, runs over and kills the hitchhiker. Poor Leatherface falls and cuts his thigh and she gets picked up by a pickup truck, and Leatherface stays out in the road just swinging that chainsaw wildly in disappointment.
Final Thoughts – When I think of the perfect 70’s looking horror flick, this is what comes to mind. Visually, it is incredible. It feels so rustic and unfiltered and I mean that in a good way. The deaths were short, and Sally screams for way too long, but it was a good time. Leatherface is most definitely silly in a way, but I love the crazy killing family angle. It just worked really well together. Also, I loved that Franklin was wheelchair bound. It was different seeing that kind of character in this type of film.
Rating: 7.6 seems appropriate given how many films I have enjoyed over the years have openly borrowed from im.
This week we see the reformation of the Shield, Neville walks out and Enzo loses his belt, the Mizzies, the Women of RAW owning it, AJ vs Baron, the first peek at the Bludgeon Brothers, and Sami Zayn’s explanation on why he helped KO at Hell In A Cell. We talked about this, plus much more on this week’s episode of Are You Not Kentertained and give our picks for Hell In A Cell.
Is WWE making a mistake by not having Elias take a loss to either Apollo or Titus?
Russ: I have to say yes. I like Elias, but if you want to build a proper feud no matter how short it will last there needs to be wins on both sides. Apollo and Titus losing all the time doesn’t make this interesting. The end result needs to be a total win for Elias, but up to that point giving Apollo and Titus a win here or there at least keeps the fans interested. Not to mention it keeps Apollo relevant, instead of the joke that he has basically become.
Kent: Yeah. As you know, I don’t want Elias to eat a lot of pins, but to get more traction out of a feud, there needs to be some give and take. Not 50/50 booking mind you. But in the end, you want to see that the person fought hard to rise up to the next position in line. It’s not like UFC where you want to look as dominant as possible, despite what VKM may think. You want the struggle so that when they lose, you don’t sit there scratching your head wondering how this guy beat another guy. Example: Bray defeating Finn cleanly the week before Summerslam. Yup, still dwelling.
The Shield are supposed to be faces, but they just assaulted Braun in a 3 on 1 mugging, and the cameras assaulted my eyes with their bullshit directing. What the hell is happening here?
Russ: I am really angry with myself. I missed The Shield and Braun stuff. I went to take the trash out and when I came back everything was over. I tried to go back to watch it, but my cable box sucks nutts. So I can’t address the whole faces acting as heels thing other than to say that this is typical WWE thinking: We cheer them so everything they do is inherently good. What really pissed me off was how many times Michael Fucking Cole mentioned The Shield throughout the entire broadcast! If I were playing a drinking game and had to take a sip of beer every time The Shield was mentioned, I probably would have passed out by the end of the second hour. I’m talking “Russ Sips” too, so small ones that barely count as sips. Also, I’m not a complete lightweight when it comes to drinking before you think that. That is just how many times he mentioned The Shield.
Kent: I’m just jealous that Russ has a cable box that fellates testicles. I want one of those. I kinda want to play this Shield drinking game now. I may be seeing Ron this week, so we may take you up on that, with or without Russ Sips. Gosh, I’m just enjoying responding to Russ. Why even bother having an original thought? I hate this whole storyline, mainly it’s execution, so fuck it, if you really want to hear me lay it all out, listen to this week’s episode of Are You Not Kentertained. Buttplug Holly would be impressed with that plug.
Which women’s segment did you enjoy more: Mickie and Alexa’s promo or the 5 Way Dance?
Russ: I enjoyed both of them, but I enjoyed the fatal 5 way more than the promo. I like the old timey video Alexa presented. It gave me a hardy chuckle. What I don’t like is that they keep beating this dead horse of Mickie being old. OK, we get it she isn’t a spring chicken. There have to be other things we can target about her. I liked the 5-way dance. I thought the match was pretty good, if not a little short. Also, Emma won! I mean she is going to end up losing at TLC, but hey she at least has a match at the PPV… so yay? In all honesty, I know Emma had a few good matches against Asuka in NXT and I hope they allow this to be a contest and not a squash match.
Kent: Man, I don’t know.I loved the Mickie and Alexa back and forth, and they did it so well. Is it weird to say that I may be cheering for Mickie at TLC? Yeah, it is. She is killing it right now and deserves a reward for her hard work in my opinion, which is not a shot at my goddess Bliss. WIth that being said, the other thing had a screaming Foxy and my girl Emma winning. I gotta enjoy her winning while I can before she starts taking it hard from Asuka. By the way, I have gone on record well over a month ago stating that Emma was going to be the first one to take on Asuka. On your knees dogs, and hail to the king!
Did WWE just blow it by having Enzo drop the belt already?
Russ: I think they screwed themselves with the stipulation about how none of the competitors could touch Enzo or they forfeited their right to challenge for the belt. This could have easily been avoided if they just made it a one night stipulation, which I thought was the case originally, but WWE doesn’t have the foresight to see how dumb this stipulation was. So with their creative backs in a corner they did the only thing they could do. Have Enzo lose. He’ll win it back at TLC. This will wipe away the stipulation, it will also allow Neville back into the picture (though apparently he may be gone now?). Still another quick title change isn’t going to help the cruiserweight division. On a positive note… I can’t believe how good Enzo has been since moving to 205! They are using his character almost perfectly and no matter what he does, he will still get pops from the crowd.
Kent: I saw a video earlier this year where one of my favorite actresses took on 5 guys via a glory hole. This somehow sucked harder. Enzo has been the golden goose that you have given the main event slot 3 weeks in a row, and I admit, I wasn’t getting sick of him. I was loving his stuff, especially with Neville. This should have played out so much better. Now we got that fat ass, Kalisto as the champ. Fuck this. I’m gonna watch my favorite actress some more.
Pick a topic that we haven’t talked about and talk about it.
Russ: Let’s talk about Sister Abigail! I read on the interwebs how so many people hate this gimmick and how stupid it is. All I can say is “No shit!” It is a dumb gimmick, but it’s wrestling dumb. The kind of dumb I can get behind! I thought the segment was fun and has me intrigued. I want to see Sister Abigail come out to the ring damn it! I don’t know how much of a fan of wrestling you are if you don’t want to see what Bray will look like as Sister Abigail. I have to give Finn props for the serious acting chops he has. I mean, it must have taken all of his strength not to laugh as hard as he could when Bray was talking as Sister Abigail. I laughed a lot, but a good laugh is needed every once in awhile.
Kent: Russ, you foolish twit! You WASTED your response to talk of silly things. Let’s get serious and talk about the Bludgeon Brothers! Oh my, I may have been a white Lexington Steele for a few moments. Harper and Rowan are back together, but with these stupid ass looking hammers. I am so fucking excited. I don’t have the proper words to convey to you how excited I am about this.
A lot of time, when a wrestler turns heel, their explanation is bland and non creative, and sometimes nonsensical. Did Sami’s explanation work for you?
Russ: I thought Sami’s explanation was perfect! Usually, WWE gives us dumb / Lame / non-logical explanations for why people turn heel or face. Since its WWE we usually groan or just ignore it. However, this was very logical and genuine. They used the WWE Universe’s perception of what’s going on with Sami and played it perfectly. He was wooed over to Smackdown by Shane. Then basically Sami was completely misused. Add in a few lines about never talking to Shane again and we have a guy who is just sick and tired of doing the “right” thing and getting nowhere. I have to agree with Kent, I don’t think I’d classify Sami as a Heel. Based on his thought process of what’s going on around him I actually sympathize with Sami. I hope they don’t turn this into cheap heel crap because this is the best thing WWE has going right now.
Kent: This may have been one of the top 10 turning heel explanations that I have seen. It made a lot of sense, it didn’t feel convoluted. It felt smart and genuine. I’m not even sure if Sami is truly a heel, but I guess he is in WWE’s “universe”. You know that place where some guy occasionally shows up with some red belt and defends it and gets paid way more than he’s worth?
Did tonight confirm to you that The Usos and New Day will take on the rest of the tag division at Smackdown?
Russ: No, I don’t think this did anything except sever the feud for awhile. The Hell in a Cell match was the perfect place to end this feud, at least for now anyway. It was brutal, innovative and fun. I don’t think they can top this. I’d love it if they tried, but honestly I’d rather they leave it alone here. So now it is time for the new day to feud with someone new. Maybe a couple of Hammer Bros. that are debuting finally! While The Uso’s can go against American Beta. Things are looking good for the Smackdown Tag Division again.
Kent: Confirmed? Nah. Do I think that is the direction of things? Yeah. Especially when the Usos and New Day run through a couple of teams and all looks lost and then the Bludgeon Brothers come out to handle shit. Also, did this cement the fact that Authors of Pain are RAW bound because RAW has no tag team division to speak of? Here’s where WWE fucked up. Braun shouldn’t have gotten involved beyond getting triple powerbombed and stayed off of TV because his momentum is gone, but kept the Miz and Sheasaro. After The Shield won, yes, The Shield Russ, the Shield reunited, I would have Braun come out with the Authors of Pain at the end of TLC and massacre The Shield. Make an impact just like The Shield did back in 2013. See how that would make for a fucking riveting debut and be a great feud to close out 2017 so that Sheasaro can go back to being the best tag team in WWE.
Does Dolph Ziggler have the best hair out of all the males on the WWE main roster?
Russ: Now This is a handsome question. Better than asking what the actual fuck happened between Ziggler and Bobby on Smackdown. Seriously, that was an awful segment. Bobby is not a natural face. As for the hair. Ziggler has top 5 hair for sure, but I think Breeze and Dango both have better hair. Also, I like my hair wet and while Dolph has come out with wet hair that is admirable it is no Roman Reigns wet mop of hair.
Kent: This one is tough as hell. I do love “The Lone Hairline” of Baron. Seriously, this has to come down to Dolph and Tyler Breeze, right? I am terribly conflicted, but Dolph’s looks longer, so I am going with…….Dolph. Sheamus finished third for me and I felt that Tony Neese and Gentleman Jack get 4th and 5th place.
Was that the best Baron Corbin singles match yet?
Russ: This was close, but I still think what he did with Kalisto in the chairs match is the best. Granted that had a gimmick attached to it, but I dare you to find a chairs match that is actually good. Still I love the chemistry between AJ and Corbin and I would really love to see more of them down the line. For now though we need to get AJ back into the Main Event and going for the WWE title. Jinder has sullied it and I think only an epic run by AJ can fix things. No Jinder this week and no one cared.
Kent: He had some really good matches this past winter when AJ was scouting him. I think the Kalisto chairs match is still #1, but this is probably his second best. I liked it a lot from a quality perspective, but then again, anybody who isn’t Jinder can have a great match with AJ. Where was Jinder this week? Oh, nobody missed him? That’s a shame.
Bonus Deuce Deuce
Raw: Rate it
Russ: I enjoyed RAW tonight. A rare thing these days. There was a lot of things I didn’t pay full attention to. Sister Abigail was just dumb fun, The Main Event was good, and I really liked the Mizzies. I can say that I was happy to see the Shield come out and do shield things, even if this was a clusterfuck of a way to get them back together. By the end of the first hour I was sick of hearing about The Shield thanks to Michael Cole, so I can only imagine the joy Kent must have felt by the end of the third hour where, by that point, Cole must have mentioned The Shield about a million times. Rating: 5.4
Kent: I did not enjoy it as much as Russ did apparently. Sick of the Shield already. The Mizzies was fun, as was Sister Abigail, Emma won, the Alexa and Mickie stuff, and Braun vs Matt. This breaking Neville story is clearing up the air a bit about why the main event happened that way. Still, bad title change in my opinion. I wasn’t terribly Kentertained. 5.1 seems fair. And much closer to Russ than I thought. Damn.
Smackdown: Rate It
Russ: I would have enjoyed it better if my cable wasn’t complete and utter garbage. Spectrum more like Sucktrum am i right? Still I loved the opening segment, Sami’s explanation for his turn is one of the most coherent stories wrestling has ever produced and the Main event was pretty damn good. Rating: 5.8
Kent: Now this was something I could enjoy. Not much fluff or filler, aside from the women’s division as a whole. Sami cut his best promo is a long ass time, Baron had a very good match, the Usos and New Day did good. I really enjoyed this, minus Charlotte. Rating: 6.2 because that’s my height, and you can’t teach that. Also, Bludgeon Brothers!!!!
Russ: Three days of wrestling in a row and I didn’t want to rethink my life choices! It is a modern day miracle. I hope this trend continues, but if I know the abusive relationship I’m in with WWE this won’t last. Yet, I won’t stop watching either.
Kent: Smackdown intrigues me. Are we getting more Shinsuke vs Jinder? Are they switching stuff up? AJ is going to join Shane to take on KO and Sami. With Cena gone, AJ in that feud, Randy already feuded, that leaves Shinsuke and……Bobby Roode or Tye? I’m telling you, I think KO gets that belt in December somehow. Also, Tuesday was Perfect 10 Day per this video from wwe.com.
For the month of October, if you see this logo, click on it to go see the updated list of my 100 Horror Movies In October Marathon.